%CMS-F-LIBEMPTY, CMS library empty
It's better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool|than to speak and remove all doubt.
Your fingers on my keyboard makes me HOT!|  Don't stop...| don't stop...
I know it all.  I just can't remember it all at once.
A man and a fish and a bicycle or something...
It's not whether you win or lose.  It's whether I win.
Your face is revolting!|  Turn down the intensity.
I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
Last Night on the way home from Tuesday...
You're twisted, perverted & sick.| I like that in a person.
Get even.  Live long enough to be a burden to your kids.
All in all, I'd rather be moose hunting.
Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps its data in an old gray trunk.
I hate quotations.
You're making me stupider.|  Stop typing...| stop typing!
Beam me up, Scotty.  There's no intelligent life here.
All the work you will do will be written to 'WRITE-ONLY' memory
Love isn't blind,| it's deaf, dumb and stupid.
Where there's a will, I want to be part of it.
All things considered, insanity is the only alternative.
Beauty is only skin deep| but ugly goes clear to the bone.
Mad scientists are cloning dinosaurs as future weapons!|(Headline Nat. Enquire)
Reality is an illusion created by an alcohol deficiency.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Age and Treachery will always overcome Youth and Skill.
Bedfellows make strange politicians
Metrologists don't care about the weather!
Play with my body, not my mind.
%LINK-I-OBJTRASH, object code has been trashed,| processor has a bellyache
Betcha wish you were somewhere else!
My hair used to be like yours only bigger!
One night of bad sex is still better than a good day at work.
I know for a fact that there is 4 meg on this VAX!
BEWARE OF DOG
My pack hurts...| I think I slipped a disk!
No one is ugly after 2 a.m.
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Never try to teach a pig to sing.|It's a waste of time and annoys the pig.
I don't feel so good.
%FMS-F-SCRNCLOUDY, no work done on partly sunny days
Nature is usually wrong.
Veni, vidi, Visa. (We came, we saw, we went shopping.)
Even God cannot change the past.
New York has the best Governor money can buy
MASS11 users do it graphically!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
He who hesitates is interrupted.
The one who dies with the most toys wins.
If you love someone, set them free.|If they don't come back,hunt them down and kill them.
Psychotics build castles in the air.|Neurotics live in them.|And psychiatrists collect the rent.
If at first you do succeed - try to hide your astonishment.
%VAX-F-DRIBBLE, processor bib out of place
I'm not arrogant. |I'm just better than you.
Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.
If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies.
... Do not open the back panel; no user serviceable parts inside
I couldn't help it.|I can resist everything except temptation.
No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney.
It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
All lawyers should be shot.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
I'd quit my job, but it's the only place I can get any sleep.
Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean| that people aren't out to get you.
People who live in glass houses|Better keep their clothes on
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
%JBL-F-BATGNE, Batches? We don't need no stinking Batches.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness.
Looking for true love.  All major credit cards accepted.
A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.
Is that you.. Millicent???
There is no sin except stupidity.
Not to worry, we still made a profit!
When turkeys mate they think of swans.
Is it five o'clock yet?
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Observe.. His attributes are well matched..| a silver tongue and a rusted brain
Only the mediocre are always at their best.
If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times|Turn down that damn Rock 'n Roll!!!
%COB-I-COMEFROM, all go to's changed to come froms's
Metrologists really know how big it is!
OKIDATA, so you managed to log in without help!
Digital has it now. Unfortunately, it's on back-order.
If I've told you once I've told you a million times|Don't exaggerate!
All heiresses are beautiful.
Only someone with nothing to worry about| smiles back at the rear of an elephant
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
If I said that you had a nice body,| would you hold it against me?
All's fair in love and basketball.
Pat on the back...| pat on the back...
Death is nature's way of saying 'Howdy'
If homosexuality were normal, God would have created Adam and Bruce.
Buy a Chevy...| get lousy paint!
People are plotting to kill me.|  Please help me escape.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Eat, drink and ...... go to the bathroom.
Did somebody step on a duck?
Psychotics relate to Datatrieve
Any given program, when running correctly, is obsolete.
Dogs come when they are called; cats take a message and get back to you.
Did you know that Polish Olympians bronze their gold medals?
SALAMANDERS UNITE!!
Unlike stupidity, genius has its limits.
Cats are smarter than dogs.|You can't get eight cats to pull a sled.
Don't put all your eggs|In your microwave.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
It's a shame ignorance isn't painful.
...Isn't Grape Nuts a veneral disease?
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL...| WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
Stupid people shouldn't breed.
You're losing your mind!| I saw it running down the hall about 10 min. ago.
%FMS-F-SALBLKSCR, blank screen will be replaced by| a salamander in heat
Early Thursday morning I discovered the mouse had escaped.
This is no time for moderation.
You will never know hunger.|  He moved to the west coast.
%DECSPELL-F-WRDNOTINV, that word not yet invented
Experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
%VMS-W_MICODELOST, hardware micro code lost in the sauce
You appeal to a small, select group of confused people.
FMS will keep you on your finger tips.
What is algebra, exactly?|Is it one of those three-cornered things?
You have the God-given right to go out and step on a land mine !!
There's a lot than can be said about procrastination,|but this isn't the time to talk about it.
Four score and 7 Beers ago.....|I was sober!!!
Winning isn't everything.  But losing sucks.
You are standing on my toes.
MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980s.
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
%VAX-F-PROBRNFRIED, processor brain fried (extra crispy)
Yes, many people see mongo noon as he passes thru the whymie daint.|(heavy Rx)
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.
If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
%VMS-F-BURP, database regurgitated
Yeech, this coffee is terrible!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs,|perhaps you have misunderstood the situation.
A man's house is his hassle
Which is more efficient:  SEARCH ALL or PEANUT BUTTER?
I've worked on programs which were self-maintained
Is it progress if a cannibal uses a fork?
A radical is a man with both feet planted firmly in the air.
%VMS-F-VAXHOT, rising temperature is melting chips
I've been told indexing is faster,| but I prefer subscripting.
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be bastards.
AAAEEEYYYAAAAAEEEEEYAAAAAA
Where's the beef?
I'm smarter than a Burroughs...| and I'm better looking too!
Soderquist's Paradox:|There are more horse's asses than horses.
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
Wise men make proverbs but fools repeat them.
I'm NOT paranoid! so stop thinking that I am!!!
Specialists are people who always repeat the same mistakes.
Cats are like Baptists.|They raise hell but you can't catch them at it.
What we need around here is a good cluster!
I'm going to the dentist.|  I'll be back in an hour.
The world is a madhouse, so it's only right it's patrolled by armed idiots.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
What orators lack in depth they make up for in length
I'll have a harrrd rrroll.|   A HOT DOG???
%DBM-F-DBNFG, database access impaired by reverse disk spin
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
What happened to the little old lady who screams:| WHERE'S THE BEEF???
I work in Joisey.|  Do you work in Joisey?
%DBM-F-DELDBBCK, database deleted during abnormal termination of backup
My brain is my second favorite organ.
Well! are you going to just sit there?| get working & quit wasting company time
I stink therefore I am.
A censor is a man who thinks he knows more than you ought to.
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
We will meet for breakfast and a snooze at 5 AM..| Ahmed will chair the meeting
I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
A communist is a person who publicly airs his dirty Lenin.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Warp factor 10, Mr. Sulu!
Don't count your chickens|before you cook them.
All work and no play .... is no fun.
Some people do not know about what they speak.| Take the guy in the next office
Vuja de... That feeling that you've never been here before.
California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.
Sometimes I wonder... sometimes I don't...
Virtue is its own revenge.
Buy old masters.  They bring better prices than young mistresses.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggy' until you can find a rock.
Sometimes I'm funny..| but looks ain't everything.
This terminal will self-destruct in 10 seconds.
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.
That must be wonderful!|  I don't understand it at all.
There is a bomb in your desk!|  Quick... log off!
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
Frankly ma'am,| I didn't know what to charge you for 2 nails.
The National Enquirer is not useful as kitty litter liner.| it is redundant.
Sex is nobody's business except for the three people involved.
%DBMS-E-SCHEMABCKWD, database schema reads backwards
heh... heh...heh... heh...| I just changed your password
The price of pantyhose is sky-high these days.
Never eat more than you can lift.
There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.
Hello Honduras?...| This is Lawrence Kansas, is anybody there?
The sky is falling...| the sky is falling
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Hello...| no,| I'm sorry,| we're only taking questions about farming.| CLICK
When we talk to God, we're praying.|When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
I would have made a good Pope.
In America, anyone can become President.  That's one of the risks you take.
I couldn't think of anything good to say.
%VMS-F-SYSTIMDAYLATE, system time is one day late
I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
I have a hangover...| type gently.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
If a programmer's modification of an existing program works,|it's probably not what the user want.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inhibit the earth.
Always wear your seatbelt.|You never know when you will crash.
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
We all live in a yellow subroutine!
Computers eliminate spare time.
If I had half a mind...| I'd have half a mind.
911....  Where's the eleven on the phone key pad?
My reality check just bounced.
I parked my hard disk - and got a ticket!
And then Adam said, "What's a headache?"
COMING SOON - Netware for Nintendo!
It's always darkest before you step on the cat.
%DCL-W-OPENIN, error opening COLDBEER.CAN - RMS-E-PNL, programmer not loaded
Lead, Follow or Just get out of the way.
Sex is a Misdemeanor - The more I miss, da meaner I am.
What I see overshadows what you say.